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You Would Love This

A BIHARI WAS WORKING IN MUMBAI, and did not meet his wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna (Bihar). 

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. 

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbor’s take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?" 

The man explained, "If its the second neighbor who has taken care, then the name would be "DWIVEDI"; 

If it is the third neighbor then it would be "TRIVEDI", 

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be "CHATURVEDI"; 

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be "PANDEY"... 

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? 

Then it would be "SHARMA"... 

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? 

Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...

If she does not remember the name then? 

"It is YAAD-AV"

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?

Then it will be named "DOSHI"... 

Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire? 

Then he will be named "JOSHI"... 

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?....

"DESHPANDEY."

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33 Facts about Guys

Girl’s r surely going to read it

*Believe it or not.......

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.
2. Guys hate flirts.
3 When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
8.  When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
9. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow". ..... so true.
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.
11. Guys love their moms.
12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.
14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
16. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.
17. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
18. Guys are very open about themselves.
19. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.
20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.
22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.
23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
24. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.
25. Guys think too much. ... disputed.
26. Guys fantasies are unlimited.
27. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does! ... very true.
28. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!
29. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.
30. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.
31. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
32. Guys hate girls who overreact.
33. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationships.
Doesn't this all make sense?

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Sardar Jokes

Sardar and Police
Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.

2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile, 

1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.
2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha
Doctor And Sardar

Sardar 2 doctor: Mujhe 1 problem hai
Dr: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt

Sardar and Home
Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun
Sardar and prayer
A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."
After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"
The real
Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,
kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega
Sardar and Hitler
Hitler says, "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"
Sardar and Computer
Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.
Two Sardars
1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda so hi jaye
1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya .
1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se hawai jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?
Sardar and Practical Exam
In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name

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Laloo Prasad's Bio-data

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks Bill Gates. 
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference:
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

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You Would Love This

Main Kabhi Batlata Nahin 
Bar main daily jaata Hoon Main Maa ... 
Yun To Main,Dikhlata Nahin 
Daru peekar roz aata hun Main Maa .... 
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Hain Na Maa... 
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa... 

Theke pe Yun Na Chhoro Mujhe , 
Ghar Laut Ke Bhi Aa Naa Paoon Main Maa... 
Pauwa lene Bhej Na Itna Door Mujko Tu, 
Ghar bhi bhool jaun main Maa... 
Kya Itna Bura Hoon Main Maa... 
Kya Itna Bura...Meri Maa.. 

Scotch main ,itna peeta nahi, 
Peg Se Seham Jaata Hoon Main Maa   
Chehre Pe Aane Deta Nahin 
Lekin kabhi ludak jaata Hoon Main Maa 
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata...Hai Naa Maa 
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa ...

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Most EXPENSIVE CROWN

TIRUPATI:

Karnataka tourism minister and Bellary mine baron Gali Janardhan Reddy will probably be better known for something else: with an offering of a diamond-studded crown worth Rs. 45 crore, he became the biggest donor to Lord Venkateswara at Tirupati since the Vijayanagara kings 400 years ago.
The 20-kg stunner was a ``thanksgiving' ' gesture, the minister said. Sources added that 32kg of `aparanji (pure)' gold went into its making, besides 70,000diamonds weighing 4,000 carats. The 2.5-ft crown has a huge 890-carat emerald from Africa engraved in the centre which alone costs around Rs 10 crore.
The crown will be placed the Lord's idol during Abhishekam seva on Friday morning. It was earlier kept in the Vaibhavotsava Mandapam in Tirumala and special pujas were performed. After a ritual called Sahasra Deepalankara seva, it was taken around on a procession along with the deity, Lord Malayappa Swamy. Around 7pm, the crown was taken inside the sanctum sanctorum.
Keertilal Jewellers of Coimbatore in Tamil Nadu took nine months to fashion the crown.

There are no records of more expensive donations to the temple and Gali's donation is considered as the costliest gift offered to the Lord after the Vijayanagara kings in the 16th century. The Vijayanagara kings ruled from Hampi not far from modern day Bellary ...
With this offering, the total number of crowns placed with the Lord has gone up to seven. This precious crown has been added to the jewel treasury of Lord which holds over 11 tonnes of gold ornaments and vessels.
``I am in this position only with the blessings of Lord Venkateswara. This is only a small offering to the Lord. I believe in Madhava seva (service to the Lord),'' said Gali, who owns several iron ore mines.
The minister said his Brahmani Steels, once it starts operation, would employ 25,000 people. ``This I consider as manava seva (service to mankind),'' he said. Andhra Pradesh chief minister YSR Reddy's son Jagan has a large stake in Brahmani Steel that is coming up in the Andhra chief minister's home district.

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World's Largest Flower

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10 Most Poisonous Animals in the World

1. Box Jellyfish

The top prize for The World Most Venomous Animal would go to the Box Jellyfish. It has caused at least 5,567 recorded deaths since 1954. Their venom is among the most deadly in the world. Its toxins attack the heart, nervous system, and skin cells. And the worst part of it is that jelly box venom is so overpoweringly painful, that human victims go in shock, drown or die of heart failure before even reaching shore. Survivors experience pain weeks after the contact with box jellies. The top prize for The World Most Venomous Animal would go to the Box Jellyfish. It has caused at least 5,567 recorded deaths since 1954. Their venom is among the most deadly in the world. Its toxins attack the heart, nervous system, and skin cells. And the worst part of it is that jelly box venom is so overpoweringly painful, that human victims go in shock, drown or die of heart failure before even reaching shore. Survivors experience pain weeks after the contact with box jellies.

You have virtually no chance to survive the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. After a sting, vinegar should be applied for a minimum of 30 seconds. Vinegar has acetic acid, which disables the box jellies nematocysts that have not yet discharged into the bloodstream (though it will not alleviate the pain). Wearing panty hose while swimming is also a good prevention measure since it can prevent jellies from being able to harm your legs.
 Jelly box can be found in the waters around Asia and Australia.

2. King Cobra

The King Cobra (Ophiophagus Hannah) is the world’s longest venomous snake - growing up to 5.6 m (18.5 ft) in length. Ophiophagus literally means snake-eater as it eats other snakes. One single bite of this deadly snake can easily kill a human. This snake is even capable of killing a full-grown Asian Elephant within 3 hours if the larger animal is bitten in a vulnerable area such as the trunk.
Its venom is not as toxic as other venomous snakes, but King Cobra is capable of injecting 5 times more venom than black mamba and can result in mortality up to 5 times faster than that of the black mamba. It is quite widespread, ranging across South and South-east Asia, living in dense highland forests.

3. Marbled Cone Snail

This little beautiful looking Marbled Cone snail can be as deadly as any other animal on this list. One drop of its venom is so powerful that it can kill more than 20 humans. If you ever happen to be in warm salt water environment (where these snails are often found) and see it, don’t even think of picking it up. Of course, the true purpose of its venom is to catch its prey.
Symptoms of a cone snail sting can start immediately or can be delayed in onset for days. It results in intense pain, swelling, numbness and tingling. Severe cases involve muscle paralysis, vision changes and breathing failure. There is no antivenin. However, only about 30 human deaths have been recorded from cone snail envenomation.

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Morden Panchtantra Story

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.

Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with hisown Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!” So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

---
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt

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How guys select the girl they want to marry.....

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

 ( scroll down for the answer )

> > >
 He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

 Men are Men.... Obviously!!!

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The woman in your life...very well expressed...

Tomorrow you may get a working woman,

but you should marry with these facts as well.

          Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
         Who is earning almost as much as you do;  

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as

 you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your  
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system 
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

 One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
              much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;  

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen  

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook
food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,
and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother,  
a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as
to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than  you; 

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;  

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
       because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while

when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some  
       and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.  

                But not many guys understand this......

             Please appreciate "HER"

I hope you will do....

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ALL THE GIRLS WILL HATE THIS

1) What is the difference between women and puppies?

Answer: Puppies grow up.

2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces?

Answer: Because they are...

3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?

Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them

forever.

4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane,which one would

hit the ground first?

Answer: Who cares?????.. ...

5) What did God say after he created woman?

(This ones THE BEST)

Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man

6) What's the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ?

Answer:I don't know, I've never seen either.

7) What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?

Answers: i) no mind ii) no business

AND THE BEST AND THE MOST REAL ONE...

8) What makes women chase men when they have no intention of

marrying?

Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles when they have

no intention of driving (The Best in the lot!)

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